Listeners, I've received reports that a zombie invasion has been reported near the Night Vale General Hospital.

This is a friendly reminder not to attack the zombies. Zombies are valuable members of our society, and are necessary to staff Night Vale's many call centres.

Zombies provide reliable service, are easy to train and do not require medical coverage. If we're to attract new telecommunications contracts to our beautiful little town, we need to stop attacking the workers who make those contracts possible!

So please, put down your torches and pitchforks and join us in welcoming the new arrivals.

Next: traffic.